30/30 a poem a day in April although I have missed a day or two – How to Depress a Rat

How to Depress a Rat.

Method 1

Take a rat, a lab rat

drop it in a tank of water

let it swim around

eventually it will find the small island you have placed as a form of sanctuary.

Remove the island

so the rat has to swim around some more.

Replace the island.

When the rat finds the island

remove the island.

Let the rat swim around some more.

Replace the island.

Remove the island.

Repeat until you replace the island and the rat doesn’t bother climbing onto it anymore.

Your lab rat is now depressed.

Method 2

Develop a robotic rat

Give it a name, like WR-3

Programme the WR-3 to bully the lab rat.

Utilise the WR-3 to constantly harass the lab rat by following it but not actually touching it.

Utilise the WR-3 to attack the lab rat intermittently every time it moves.

Assess the effects on young rats and mature rats.

Conclude that deepest depression can be triggered by intermittent attacks on a mature rat that has been constantly harassed in its youth.

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